i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
