I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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