Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
