Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
