There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize