Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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