I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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