my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
