That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
