Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
