If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
