Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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