I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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