its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
