i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
