it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
