Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
