She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize