Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
