Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize