she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
birth control should be required to get into college
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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