Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
