Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I touched a dick in church today
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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