I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
