would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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