It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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