They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize