Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
