Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
