FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
