After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize