I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
