If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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