Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
