I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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