A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
