If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize