I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
