just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You ruined the universe
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
