Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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