im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize