I'm drive I can fine osifer
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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