Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
