I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
