even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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