Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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