he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
