Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the condom got lost in my hair
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
