ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
