I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
