dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
