What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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