Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
