So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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