if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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