just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
