lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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