I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
