someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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