I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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