last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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