I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
