I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
