No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize