There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
