This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
