oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
