I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think your dad took our porno
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize