Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
