There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
