went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize