Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
