Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
