Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
