Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
