Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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