I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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