i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
