Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
