Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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