I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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