we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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