hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
