yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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