Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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