Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
