forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize