I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
