I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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