All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
