HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
