remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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