I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize