My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
