Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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