he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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