He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
