K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
