i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
