Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
