woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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