Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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