So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
