Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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